Guy #1: She reminds me of this girl I used to know when I was a kid. Her name was Molly, and her whole family was fuckin’ freakishly religious. Guy #2: That’s annoying. Guy #1: Yeah… And this one time she was throwing stones at my bike, and I told her to stop but she didn’t. So I turned around and started riding right toward her, prepared to run this bitch over. I was hauling ass, and you know what she does? She stands there and puts her hands to her hips and says, ‘The Lord will protect me.’ Guy #2: What happened? Guy #1: He didn’t.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Felix E.